Farewell, Notebook



Another year or so, another notebook filled with doodles, To Do lists, and random commentary on life. I always get excited when it’s time to get a new notebook, but at the same time am sad to see the old one go. Before I set this one free, here are some fun highlights!:

Circa 2008…

- My feet still don’t touch the ground when I’m on the bus, makes me feel young.

- The word “maybe” is a scam, if anyone answers “maybe” to a question it’s basically a sugarcoated “no.”

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After Jessie died I started collecting memories. Material ones. It started with a box of her stuff. The bracelet I gave her for Christmas one year, the skirt I always let her borrow that she still hadn’t given back to me, a beaded, orange picture frame from her room with a picture of us in it, her favorite locket, dried rose petals, the seven star-shaped candles she put on my cake for my 19th birthday that she made me promise I would never throw away. Everything I still had left. All things that reminded me of her, of our friendship, keepsakes in a small box that would last as long as physically possible before they withered away over time. Continue reading

Don’t Cheat on Your Stylist | Part 1


If you know me at all, you are aware that I change my hair color a lot…it’s like a disease. A short period of time will pass and I’ll grow antsy, an unexplainable fire starts burning within me and I absolutely must alter my appearance! However, recently, for the first time in my life, I’ve actually been content with the same color for almost (key word: almost) THREE hair styling sessions in a row. That color, was a beautiful pale lavender. It all started with me experimenting with a bright purplish-blue color Continue reading

How to Write a Pop Song



1. Say some sentences about stuff that’s happening.

2. Repeat something super obvious that’s happening 4-6 times in a row.

3. Say more sentences about stuff that’s happening.

4. Repeat the same super obvious thing that was happening before 4-6 times.

5. Break off on a crazy tangent for like 15 seconds.

6. Say your least/most favorite thing that’s happening/happened.

7. Repeat the same super obvious thing that was happening before an undetermined amount times in a row ’til the music fades out.


Dear Massage Therapists


Seems like I’ve been writing a lot of letters lately; oh well, some things have got to be said or change will never occur.

To preface, I have back problems. My muscles think it’s cool to tense up to the point of nausea, throbbing, and pretty much causing me to be laid out on the ground, useless and in tears, et cetera; hence, I try to get massages as often as I can afford them. That being said, I have yet to find the perfect Massage Therapist that can get those knots out but also knows how to shut the hell up for 60 minutes so I can goddamn relax. At this point, I’m writing a letter Continue reading

Dear Jon Bon Jovi (For my friend Sue)




Dear JBJ,

Can I call you JBJ? I feel like it’s more informal that way. Yes? Okay. Thanks. Anyway, you probably don’t know why I’m writing you this letter, but not to worry because I’m about to break it down for ya real nice.

Let me tell you a little something about this lovely gal named Sue. Okay, shhh, I know I know, can I continue? Anyway, Sue is a wonderful and hot woman. Any time you sang a song in the past 25 years that sounded like it was to a woman, it was about her, you just probably didn’t know it yet because you haven’t met her. She like, buys all your CDs. Yeah, I said CDs. The old school kind, not even MP3s on the internet. She buys them as soon as they come out AND comes to see you in concert, too.

Think back to your last concert in the northeast. She was probably there. Yup, you got it, she was the one wearing the I Heart Bon Jovi t-shirt.

Oh, and another thing, no, never mind, I won’t tell you that. Yes I will; she has a hot black and white picture of you as her phone background. What is more die hard than that? Nothing. That’s what.

So anyway, you should definitely meet her and embrace your destiny. But be careful, she’s very awesome and has 5 rules to get past the initial testing in order for you to be worthy of dating, so don’t fuck it up. I won’t tell you what those are since that would be cheating, but I’m sure you’ll do just fine. Woah woah, don’t start taking your shirt off, Sue didn’t get here yet. Patience.

Oh, one more thing, you’re welcome.


Your Biggest Fan’s Friend


PS – I almost forgot, she has big bodacious ta ta’s. She wanted me to tell you that; Just FYI.